冯天魁

【视频】? 为什么2030岁是你一生中最重要的十年-TTalk

点击上方TTalk订阅，小兔子会长大
临床心理学家Meg Jay在TED上超过940万次点击量的演讲《Why 30 is not the new 20》，告诉你该从最年轻的时候，开始积累你的“身份资本”。这样才能让你后续的人生实现「指数型成长」。

下面是我的故事：
在我十几二十岁的时候，我花时间和朋友们一起出去玩，和我女友谈情说爱，抽烟，大致算是个混混青年。
十年后，我发现了一个秘密。有了它，我一年里学到和得到的东西，比在之前十年里更多。
它就是形成好习惯的力量。
习惯的力量有多大？下面这张图呈现得最为淋漓尽致：1967年铁腰板，瑞典将靠左行改成靠右行时，第二天街上的情景是这样的：

对习惯的培养，初期会很艰难，但是当你掌握了它并使它真正成为习惯，那么它会很容易做到，即使你没有意识到。想要养成一个习惯，每个人至少要以同样的方式重复同一件事21天。有些会需要更长的时间，有些会短些。平均而言，每个习惯的养成，需要大概三十天时间。
这里是适合所有年轻人的5个最佳习惯，以及如何做到他们。
1. 保持头脑健康
Take Care of Your Mind
我们生活在脑力劳动的时代，坐在办公桌前，面对电脑，用我们的聪明才智服务大众。每天，你的大脑控制着你的想法，而你的想法影响着身边的一切。
如何让头脑保持清醒和健康呢？
大脑也像人体的肌肉一样秋佳乙 ，你用得越多，它就越是健康。当你不用脑思考了，它会退化的。
每天读点书
不读书的人和不识字的人其实没什么分别。每天早晚花三十分钟读书吧。读那些能使人进步的书。记住：是去读书，而不是去看博客。
真正的书籍都有一种固定的特质：它们包含了大量的思想和研究，是作者生活阅历的精华。所以，每天都应当读书。
每天写点东西
写作是记录思想的唯一方式。如果你不把它们写下来，它们就会从你的脑海里溜走。每天记录，还会帮你整理纷乱的思绪，形成自己的一套完整的想法。

如果你喜欢谁，也可以把这些心情记录下来。写一写你为什么喜欢那个人，这种情感给你怎样的感觉琵琶语古筝，还有，你会为了追求他去做些什么。
将所有的事情都写在纸上会帮助你弄明白自己对于爱情和生活，对与错抱有怎样的想法。写作水平越高，就能越善于思考。

远离思想垃圾
就像你的身体需要好的食物，你的大脑也需要好的养料。如果你在脑子里堆满了脑残的电视剧，没完没了的报纸和电视新闻，余美颜你会变得悲观和消沉。你会失去干正事的欲望，因为你的脑子里塞了太多消极的东西。你会生活，而不是从沙发上看生活。所以别太理会那些没完没了的花边新闻，不管是报纸上的还是电视上的。少看脑残剧和言情剧。这样你的脑子就有地方去想想其他的事了，这会帮助你更好地用脑。
2. 照顾好你的身体
Take Care Of Your Body
不论你做什么，都离不开好身体。它独一无二，无可替换。你的身体可能不够完美，但它是你所唯一拥有的。如果你悉心呵护，那么当你60、70、甚至80岁的时候，你依然会受它眷顾。
照顾身体的方法很简单：健康饮食和运动。
每天花半小时到一小时锻炼身体
这可不是要你去玩体操或者抽脂。活动活动身体上的每一块肌肉就够了。有意识地花时间动动胳膊、后背和腿。做做健身操，活动你的肌肉。这是因为我们每天都坐在椅子上，很少来回走动。生命在于运动。对提升身体素质而言张立蓁 ，这是最重要的。
吃新鲜且健康的食物

吃好一点。想象一下青春派主题曲，你的身体是一栋房子。每天把好东西带回房子中，这房子就会变得漂亮，你会很乐意住在里面。可要是每天把破烂的东西带进来银时代官网 ，房子就会变得脏乱差，你也就不乐意住在里面了。所以要多吃营养的东西桃色星期五 。尽可能多吃新鲜的水果和蔬菜，把它们加入到你的食谱中，这会为你提供每天必需的能量。
3. 关注你的人际关系
Your Relationships
在生活中，你与极少数人一直在一起。你的父母。你的兄弟姐妹。你的祖父母，如果他们还活着。你的表兄弟，如果你同他们很亲近。除了这些，你生活中的其他人际关系，都需要你走出去，自己创造。你一路上结交朋友。这些人生旅途中结识的朋友，会成为坚强的后盾。那些你们天天见到的人神奇女郎 ，从蔬果店老板，到公司上司。
加强你的人际关系，方法如下：
记住别人的生日和纪念日
即使你的朋友告诉你，他们不庆祝生日。即使人们说，他们并不在乎这些，但每个人都关心自己的特殊日子。如果你还记得他们的生日和纪念日，他们会记住你的好意。
但仅仅这样还远远不够。记住那些特殊的时刻。如果他们有一个孩子，记住孩子的生日，打电话给他们，或者写一张祝福的卡片。
得知有人关心你是件开心的事。不论对他人来说，还是对你来说。当你需要他们的时候，当你爱的人离开你，你的朋友将成为支撑你的力量。

开始打造你的社交人脉
改变自己的最快方式就是与你想成为的人为伍死亡特训，也就是说你和什么样的人相处，就将决定你是否会成功。你身边的五个人决定了你。你要打造机会、寻找机会、抓住机会，其实最关键的就是要抓住人。
开始在LinkedIn领英这样的网站上打造自己的个人品牌吧，认识一个值得交流的人比什么都重要。
躲开传递负面情绪的“吸血鬼”
不管你待人多好，总会遇到些吸血鬼般的人。他们耗费掉了你所有的精力和时间。有时候你会在工作场所遇见他们。他们或许是你的发小，甚至可能是你的某个亲戚。不管你怎么做，都无法改变他们奇台人网，你不能提升他们，你也无法引导他们。因此，最好的的办法就是远离他们。
4. 关注你的财务状况
Take Care of Your Finances
不管你是怎么长大的，富裕或者贫困，理财都是你的责任。如果你从今天开始好好理财，它会在你需要时有所回报。当你老了，病了，送孩子去上学，或者帮助生病的父母。你的财务状况会给你提供帮助。但是，我们如何理财呢？
赚钱
在开始理财时，首先要确定：你的收入高于支出。
有一份收入会让你的生活变得很容易，只要善加管理，它会帮你得到你想要的东西。如果你现在支出大于收入，那么在接下来的一到两年里，你得努力让收入超过支出。
花一刻钟想想自己每个月把钱都花到什么地方去了。包括房租（或者你跟父母住一起的支出），水电费，杂费，汽车，上网，保险，购物和娱乐的花费，以及其他支出。
有了正现金流之后，你该做什么呢？
自己投资
你赚得每一分钱，都会被别人又赚走。政府要你交税，银行要你按揭付款，保险，汽车贷款......等等。直到你的账户里什么也剩不下。在这种情况发生前，先投资你自己。
加入退休金计划仇中仇，他们会每月从你的工资中扣取5%-10%，并把它变成一个信托公积金。这是一笔为赚钱而累积的资产。就像把房子拿去出租一样中国养兔网，可以用来买国债，买分红基金，或者投资一个有利可图的项目。

5. 学会多多沟通
Communication
误会会产生很多问题，而人与人之间经常发生误会。
夫妻打架，是因为他们不明白对方为什么这样说；
交流障碍导致员工被解雇；
朋友因为彼此误解而分手；
交流中的误解会引起朋友，员工，董事会成员，甚至国家之间关系的重大问题。
如何提高沟通技巧？
学会和小学生沟通
是的，只要能和小学六年级的人沟通就够了。如果你能跟一个十岁的孩子把事情解释清楚，你和其他任何人的沟通也就没有问题了。你可能会认为，一个受过高等教育的人不吃这一套。但事实是，即使是最有教养的人，沟通能力也就在这个水平。这个层面沟通，你会得到更好的理解。你的孩子会理解你，你的父母会听你的话，你的雇主会了解你的想法。
你身边的每一个人都会认为你是聪明人——因为你能把复杂的东西用简单的方式解释清楚。
学学行话
学习行话，你会更快地融入一个行业，因为它能帮你理解别人都在说什么，从而给出准确的反馈。每一个行业，体育，网上论坛，集团，都有不同的词汇。学得越快，提升得也就越快。如果你打网球，学学专业词汇的说法。了解它们的含义，然后当你跟你的朋友聊起网球时，运用这些词汇会帮你提升竞技水平。这同样适用于你的专业领域。越早了解行话，进步得越快。这不是一种技术，你要用它来提高你的整体的词汇水平。
演讲稿
Meg?Jay: Why 30 is not the new 20
When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex. Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. Now when I heard this, I was so relieved. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (Laughter) And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle.But I didn't handle it. With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. "Thirty's the new 20," Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right. Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later快活鸟论坛 , even death happened later. Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.
But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life. I pushed back.I said, "Sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."And then my supervisor said, "Not yet, but she might marry the next one. Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage is before she has one."That's what psychologists call an "Aha!" moment. That was the moment I realized, 30 is not the new 20. Yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn't make Alex's 20s a developmental downtime. That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.
There are 50 million twentysomethings in the United States right now. We're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.Raise your hand if you're in your 20s. I really want to see some twentysomethings here. Oh, yay! Y'all's awesome. If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, I want to see — Okay. Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.So I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.
This is not my opinion. These are the facts. We know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35. That means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "Aha!" moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. People who are over 40, don't panic. This crowd is going to be fine, I think. We know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn. We know that more than half of Americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. We know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. We know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. So your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.So when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. It's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become. But what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing. Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like "twixters" and "kidults." It's true. As a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.
Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. Isn't that true? So what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, "You have 10 extra years to start your life"? Nothing happens. You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: "I know my boyfriend's no good for me, but this relationship doesn't count. I'm just killing time." Or they say, "Everybody says as long as I get started on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine."But then it starts to sound like this: "My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself. I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college."And then it starts to sound like this: "Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. Everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. I didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes I think I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30."
Where are the twentysomethings here? Do not do that.Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. When a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. Many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.The post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car. It's realizing you can't have that career you now want. It's realizing you can't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling. Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, "What was I doing? What was I thinking?"I want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.
Here's a story about how that can go. It's a story about a woman named Emma. At 25, Emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. She said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead. Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. And as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. She often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, "You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."Well one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. She'd just bought a new address book, and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "In case of emergency, please call ... ." She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, "Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck? Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?"Now in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, "I will." But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared. Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance. I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emma's defining decade went parading by.So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.First,圆的认识教案 I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. By get identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next. I didn't know the future of Emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital. So now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. That's procrastination. I told Emma to explore work and make it count.
Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated. Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. That new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle.New things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed.But half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that un-posted job. It's not cheating. It's the science of how information spreads.
Last but not least, Emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. Now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now. Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you. But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress.The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.
So what happened to Emma? Well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. That weak tie helped her get a job there. That job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. Now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums. She's married to a man she mindfully chose. She loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, "Now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough."Now Emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what I love about working with twentysomethings. They are so easy to help. Twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving LAX, bound for somewhere west. Right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji. Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good TED Talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.So here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. It's as simple as what I learned to say to Alex. It's what I now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like Emma every single day: Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. You're deciding your life right now. Thank you. (Applause)
在这个点击过百万的TED演讲中，Meg Jay说不能因为婚姻、工作和子女是以后的事情，现在就可以无规划的生活。二十世代是个关键期，我们所做之事－及未做之事－对未来人生、甚至后代都将产生巨大影响。
所以即将步入二十岁和已经进入二十岁的你，是否要开始仔细规划一下了呢？